I woke up angry today, which is a thing that happens sometimes when I come off of an exhausting week where I don’t have (or make) enough time for myself.
I was angry that I agreed to make an announcement at church (which meant I couldn’t skip it), angry that I had to prep for school/work, angry that I still hadn’t washed my hair, angry that I needed to wash clothes, angry that I made plans with a friend.
Oh, and angry at the state of the world, too, of course.
It turns out having that commitment at church turned out to be a good thing. First, I always do better around other people, even when I’m kind of crabby to start. I had to turn on some charm for the announcement since I was supposed to be enthusiastic. Then, this line from the call to worship helped: “Be joyful though you have all the facts.” Because sometimes I need a reminder that joy is an act of resistance. [That line, btw, is from a Wendell Berry poem.] And, of course, the sermon was thoughtful and also helped get me out of my head.
So that helped. And then I was crabby again.
But I got home and made a to-do list. To-do lists help me organize my thinking and see exactly what I have to do. That, in turn, makes the day less hectic because I can see how to manage each task. Then I took a nap.
I was angry when I woke up, but that’s just because I wanted to sleep longer.
Then, I met my friend and we had a good talk about making space for ourselves, and I was able to admit that part of my crabbiness/anger was that I hadn’t had enough time to do things that sustain me. Or to relax. And once we were done, I did some prep for class because I knew that would help me feel better and I got pizza for dinner instead of worrying about what to cook and I washed my hair. And I’m going to finish writing this and then write my post for tomorrow, and then I’m going to bed.
I still feel a little disconnected, but I do feel better than I did this morning. The anger, for now at least, is gone.